I was always raised with the mentality that we are valuable in our own ways. I set my own goals and dreams, and that allowed me to truly support and cheer for others without comparing myself.
My mom would always tell me, “Recuerda tu no eres ni menos que nadie, ni mas que nadie. Cada quien es unico y especial.”
“Remember you are not less than anyone, nor better than anyone. Everyone is unique and special.”
Becoming a mother in my early twenties was a beautiful journey. Not only was I able to experience motherhood and complete school, but I also found stability in the workplace, family, and life.
Motherhood truly became my priority, and all of a sudden, my goals to continue expanding my education or searching for other career opportunities became last on my list. As years have gone by, more motherhood-related goals have developed, such as being involved in my son’s school, building relationships with his friends’ parents, and teaching him how to give kindness to others.
I believe I have been able to reach great accomplishments these past 11 years since becoming a mother. I have a bachelor’s degree, and I have been able to serve in many leadership roles at my job and in my community. Additionally, I’ve managed events, projects, and grants. I have met wonderful and important people. However, recently I started doubting and comparing myself and feeling like perhaps I have not done enough.
A Millenial Mom in Social Media Times
I am a millennial mom in her early 30s. Social media is kind of my only source of any friendship or social life. I started allowing myself to compare to what other moms are doing. I noticed moms younger than me working on their PhDs. Moms with more children than me who are killing it at a side business and working out. I saw young girls completing degrees as if they were baking a cake. Comparing and really engaging in those got me down!
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While I knew I should stop comparing myself to the level of others, with social media nowadays, it is just hard to evade it. It definitely kills a little spark of pride and confidence that allows you to go on in life. All of a sudden, you question everything!
Am I a good mom? Is my family proud of me? How come I can’t have a successful business too? Why is it hard for me to complete another degree? What am I doing? Getting out of this spiral path of negativity is hard, but it can be done. It simply takes time.
How do I disengage?
It is so important to get back to you! Do a self-exploration. Acknowledge your wins and your struggles. Motherhood is not easy, and everyone is very different, but at the end of the day, we all have our dark moments that we are trying to fight. I have been slowly working on some routines to disengage from this process. With all those tips and deep conversations that I have with other moms, I am using those things to help myself this time.
Accept Your Story
Look at yourself in the mirror, and think about all the struggles, battles, and journeys you’ve encountered. Be proud of everything you’ve gone through, and wear those scars with pride.
Enjoy the Present
Be grateful, be happy, and be present. Enjoy that iced coffee that gets your day started or that fun song that reminds you of your nights out in the club.
Wear Your Confidence
Fix your crown, queen! Wear that top, lipstick, or earrings that you love. Have that key item near that helps you feel more confident.
Don’t Be Afraid to Take Risks
Think about your desires and goals. Start slow and with no fear. Do you need new friends who could actually understand you and support you? Go find them! Want to explore a hobby or business adventure? Then try it out.
Get Some Me Time
Find that time to have “me time.” When we become moms, we sometimes lose the person we were before. It’s important to find your new “me.” Ask yourself, who am I? What do I like? What do I want? And, what makes me happy?
Take a Time Out from Social Media
Take a break from social media, and stop engaging in comparing yourself to others. The grass is not always greener on the other side. It is SO EASY to post happy, easy photos and captions but sometimes authenticity or realness is pretty well hidden. So, STOP, don’t allow yourself to feel any less just because of a social media post.
Being the mom of two daughters, I am working on rebuilding my confidence because I want them to grow up and know they are capable of achieving everything and anything they set their minds to. I want to give them the same advice my mom gave to me and more.
The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of El Paso Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.
