Breastfeeding brings so many challenges for any mom. Whether you’re a new mom, second-time mom, or mom of multiples like me. Some of the challenges that everyone talks about are the pains that come immediately after birth, the engorgement, the troubles latching, the tongue ties, cracked and sore nipples, and even the dreaded mastitis (which I’ve unfortunately suffered seven times now).
However, there is one condition no one talks about. In fact, I did not find out I had this until I breastfed my fourth baby. This condition is called D-MER (Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex).
From experience, this condition is not curable, only treatable. I have breastfed four babies while experiencing this condition (still experiencing it and my baby is 15 months old). The symptoms, however, are the strongest during the first three months postpartum, especially if you are exclusively breastfeeding. “The depressive feelings that came from the postpartum blues in my previous postpartum days must’ve been the culprit,” I thought to myself. Isn’t this something they tell moms about? A condition that was expected.
I thought feeling miserable, in extreme depression, while I breastfed my baby was normal.
In a way, yes, this is normal when you have D-MER, but how would I even know this? I found out through an Instagram post. This post related the feelings of depression only while breastfeeding, and it caught my attention. I started to jot down the times I felt those feelings and noticed a trend. I would feel like this only when I breastfed my baby. The feelings would come intensely and then go for the rest of the feeding. Immediately, I googled the condition, and sure enough, it’s what I’ve had all these years.
What is D-MER?
According to the National Institutes of Health, D-MER is an abrupt emotional “drop” that occurs in some women just before milk release and continues for not more than a few minutes. The brief negative feelings range in severity from wistfulness to self-loathing and appear to have a physiological cause.
» » » » » RELATED READ: It’s OK to Get Help: Postpartum Depression with 2 Under 2 « « « « «
D-MER can range from mild (a “sigh” feeling) to intense (suicidal thoughts or thoughts of self-harm). No one knows what causes this condition; however, research suggests that an abrupt drop in dopamine may occur when milk release is triggered, which results in a dopamine deficit for women with this condition. Plus the combination of raging hormones a woman’s body is facing during postpartum and breastfeeding days.
Anything that causes a milk release, expected or unexpected, while breastfeeding, pumping, or hand-expressing can cause these feelings. Even the release of milk caused by thinking about your baby. Simple breast fullness can also generate the same negative feelings of DMER.
It all made sense once I found out about this condition. Even when I pumped, I felt this immense sadness. Looking back at my working mom days, I remember having those thoughts while leaking into my nursing pads, too. I really believed it was all due to me missing my baby.
There isn’t a treatment for D-MER because researchers don’t fully understand it yet. Managing your symptoms and finding ways to cope are both options to manage D-MER. Here is how I (still) manage:
I Breathe and Let the Visitors (Feelings) In
The feelings come very intensely at letdown. Now that I know what to expect, I purposely breathe in, breathe out, and allow the feelings to come in. I imagine these feelings as visitors who are just passing through and will leave me in a couple of minutes.
I Have a Water and Snack Handy
My mama always said “panza llena, corazon contento” which translates to “full belly, happy heart.” I have found that staying hydrated and having a snack during my feedings always brings happy feelings that combat the dreaded emotions of D-MER. My absolute favorite snack to have is these lactation cookies. They are soooo heavenly!
I Find Support in My Husband
A boost of oxytocin can combat negative thoughts. What better way than to get these happy thoughts from the ones you love? I call my husband my anti-depressant pill because truly he gets me out of my head many times. When the feelings of DMER come in, I tell him. When he’s with me, he doesn’t hesitate to sit next to me and give me all the words of affirmation he can give me as well as process with me what I am feeling at the moment.
I Try to Find a Distraction
How about when my husband is not here to call on someone for support? I distract myself. I call my mom, or I find distraction in reading (for pleasure or for school), watching funny Instagram reels, or putting on a show or movie to watch while I breastfeed or pump.
If it is necessary, you can also wean your baby, and that is ok, mama.
I personally did not wean my babies due to my D-MER condition. I feel that although it is intense, my D-MER is manageable with what I do. My symptoms have not gotten severe, but they definitely can with others. If this is something you ever experience and can’t manage, weaning is always an option and it is okay. Your mental health is more important than breastfeeding, and your baby needs you healthy, mama.
Making the decision to wean your baby (especially in their first six months) is big. I would caution you to be sure it is what you want and make plans on supplementation both time-wise and financially. If you’re not sure, maybe you can try dropping a breastfeeding/pumping session to see how that makes you feel first. If dropping a session makes it more manageable for you, continue. But if it doesn’t, then continue to wean. I promise you, it is okay!
D-MER is no joke. I’ve been living with it since I became a mom (which is almost six years now).
What’s worse is that no one teaches you about this. I had no idea this was an actual condition. If you suspect you have it, mama, get all the support you can get right away. I hope my experience helps you manage, too. If you ever need someone to speak to regarding this, know that I have been in your shoes and seriously, I am here.
And remember, you’re doing great!
The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of El Paso Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.
