A few weeks ago, I heard that it is easier to love and care for someone when they already know who they are. I thought I knew well who I was before. But I honestly felt so disconnected from myself, from the person I was before I became a mom. Before motherhood, I seemed to always have a degree plan to stay focused on, courses to check off, and deadlines to meet.
Life shifted quickly to being very slow and very lonely with no real finish line at arms reach.
I felt this overflowing love for my new and delicate little human. Yet I had no idea how to go about my days as a school teacher without feeling guilty for not being with my baby. Once I became a stay-at-home mom, I had no idea how to fulfill the demands of a household without seeing other adults.
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For the past six years, I have submerged myself in books on personal growth. I very much felt lost in this new version of me that motherhood had changed me into.
With time, I found myself falling into a pattern. I picked up tips here and there. I remember trying new things and realizing that as soon as I had a schedule working for us, something new would kick in. Our schedule would have to be readjusted. All in all, life seemed to be all about shifting one set of problems for another.
Then I heard a psychologist speak at a religious retreat. And it all came together in a much clearer way. She explained the multidimensionality of the human being: body, mind, social, and spiritual. Here are my takeaways for a wholistic approach to your well-being as a mom:
Body: How long has it been since your last physical, dental, or vision checkup?
I was encouraged to pay some attention to myself, love my body, and care for it so that I may then feel ready to care for my loved ones. I was reminded to pay attention to any pain I feel. And I was encouraged to trust a medical expert to guide me through what that pain might be communicating.
Mind: About 80% of our million thoughts per day tend to be inclined towards negativity.
I was reminded I have the power to control my thoughts and fears. And I can stop the reruns of what I felt I could have done or said differently. I would tend to play out all the possibilities of what would happen at a birthday party, for example. I would think up how or what I could say to defend why I was doing certain things. My mind many times gave out. I had constant headaches anticipating the weekend and then overthinking the moments within the weekend which had really bugged me.
I now choose to fight those battles only once. No more overthinking. No more wasting my time or energy on moments that are taking me away from the mom I want to be.
I truly want to be present, full of peace, compassion, and love for the family I am building with my husband.
Social: We are social beings, made to hold conversations, engage with others, and be a part of something that excites us.
I had attempted this in the past by being a Scentsy Consultant, an Usborne Book Consultant, and a family portrait photographer. These were all things that excited me. They helped me feel a part of something without taking me away from my kids for hours. They were reasons to reconnect with old friends and make new friends as well.
I want to encourage all moms to not be afraid of trying something new. It’s okay to fail and make mistakes. I have learned it is okay to change my mind, do things differently, and place myself and my family before any social responsibility.
We all have a talent to share with the world, I wonder what is yours?
Spiritual: Invest time in your spirituality, in knowing more of yourself, and in falling in love with God/greater power/nature, almost like a courtship.
A year ago, my spirituality and moments of prayer resembled a nagging child rather than a grown woman. I now show more gratitude and pray for guidance. I used to invest my time always speaking instead of listening. Now I have found several options, such as starting my day with the Bible in a Year podcast, daily mass, or a quick five minutes listening to the Holy Spirit audios. I would go to bed thinking about my worries and my relatives instead of praying with my husband for our marriage and our children.
Silence is beautiful. I can enjoy it now that I have learned to focus on the good, on the right now. I learned to light a candle right in front of the kitchen sink where I stand throughout the day. Then I spend a few minutes sorting and organizing. The candlelight reminds me to stop my thoughts and simply focus on the dishes. I am able to finish my chores faster that way, keep my peace, and move on to the next activity with my babies.
All these changes did not happen overnight.
It has been close to a year since I started booking my medical appointments. I now focus on shifting my thoughts, setting in-person play dates to attend with my kids, and making peace with myself and who I have become.
I spent so much of my younger years dreaming about motherhood, planning for it, and ensuring I had a degree and a home. This is my time. Although it is not all rainbows and butterflies 24/7, each new stage reminds me of the past stage I made it through.
My mom’s favorite quote is “Nada es para siempre hija.” Nothing is forever.
Life is all about choices. Now I choose to make decisions I can celebrate and decisions that help me get closer to all four aspects of the beautiful and changing me I have become–my body, mind, social, and spiritual me.
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