Finding Myself Again as a Mother :: My Tips


From talking to other moms, I know that the loss of identity is one of the biggest challenges in motherhood. It happens in a rather gradual way. You have your baby, and you’re happy and consumed with them for quite a while.

Then one day, you wake up and take a look at yourself in the mirror and sigh because you don’t recognize the person staring back at you.

For some women, this happens quickly and they’re able to nip it in the bud. For others, like me, it happens years later. I look at old photos of myself and wonder, “Who is she?” I think of the things I used to do and I think, “I can’t believe I did that.” It’s been over three years since my son was born. I’m slowly making steps toward getting back to some of who I was. I’m recognizing that in some ways I am different, but I’m choosing the things I miss about myself and finding ways to incorporate that into this version of me.

I am not going to pretend I know it all since this journey is new to me, but I would like to share some things I’m doing to help create this new version of me. Meshing the old Cindy with the new mom version of Cindy. Here are my tips:

1. Carve Out Some Me Time

I know for new moms especially this seems impossible. I’ve been there. When you have come out of the new mom fog and find yourself a bit lost, I think this is the key to finding some footing.

For me what has made a huge difference was enrolling my son in preschool. This gave me three hours a day to do things that I wanted to do. I started to work out which I loved doing prior to having my son and then going into COVID lockdown. I find so much physical, emotional, and mental release in working out. I feel when I carve out this time, I’m a better mom for it.

2. Change Out of the Yoga Pants

This has been a struggle for me! I see some moms online, and they’re always dolled up and energetic. I have found it so hard to feel motivated enough to wear anything other than yoga pants, an oversized shirt, hair in a bun and no makeup. I saw an old photo of myself and thought, “Wow, I used to have some style.” I’ve made it a point to add some new items to my closet to freshen things up. I think I lost confidence in my body due to changes since pregnancy. Three years later, I think it’s time to dress a bit differently–at least a few times out of the week. I know it’s hard. Why should I get ready if I’m not leaving the house? Now I see how looking nice makes me feel better. And it helps me go about my day in a happier manner.

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Finding Myself Again as a Mother3. Get Therapy

This has been a game changer for me in many ways. Motherhood alone is a huge life change. And I became a new mother during COVID! Essentially we were going through something that is very challenging while the world was also seemingly a lot lonelier and scarier. On top of that, I went through some personal struggles of loss and grief. Therapy has helped me find a safe space where I can open up to a neutral person about the things I wouldn’t necessarily say to those close to me. I vent about motherhood, marriage, grief, and loss, and I find myself leaving feeling lighter. I am given reassurance and practical ways to make progress.

4. Find an Outlet

I unexpectedly became a stay at home mom and had to leave my nursing job. Although I am grateful for the opportunity to be at home and I understand not everyone gets that chance, personally I also felt that I needed to keep my mind moving. Being a stay at home mom is monotonous in a lot of ways, and I am a thinker. My personality tends to struggle with stillness and monotony. With that said, I had to find ways to express myself and feel productive. I became a doula, podcast host, and now a childbirth educator to help me feel that I was making a difference. I haven’t returned to a “normal” job setting, but having these things on my plate that stimulate my mind and creativity have helped so much. I encourage you to find something like this!

Like I said, I’m on this journey with you. I don’t have all the answers. My goal is always to speak up for those who may be feeling the same way so that you know that you are not alone!

We will find our new selves with time by extending ourselves grace.

The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of El Paso Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.

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Cindy Mancha
Cindy is an El Paso native raised in the Lower Valley. She is a graduate from Riverside High School and UTEP. She married her best friend from high school and has a spunky son (born in 2020) and is a nurse who has worked in the hospital setting for 7 years. After experiencing a home birth, she realized her true passion was in birth work and is now a birth doula (labor coach). She is passionate about respecting and advocating for women during their birth journeys as well as building community for these moms. She loves her family and is blessed to be able to live next door to her parents. She loves El Paso and cannot wait to help bring mothers in our community together. Follow Cindy on Instagram here.


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