She was born on a perfect spring day. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that we would be welcoming our first daughter before our first anniversary, let alone burying her the Saturday before my first Mother’s Day. Never.
She was my April showers and my May flowers. She was never the storm, but the heart of strength. What blooms after the rain often looks like a field of wildflowers. We have the honor to pick the flowers and create our own unique bouquet of grief along the way. It can be messy yet beautiful.
Here’s how we honor our daughter.
Celebrate her birthday.
For us, it’s asking others to eat ice cream on Noel’s birthday. I’m severely lactose intolerant, but with her pregnancy, and only hers, I could consume all the dairy I desired, and I did! Ice cream to be specific. It may not look like ice cream on their birthday, but whatever way you celebrate your loved ones, they will be remembered.
Learn to let joy and grief coexist.
Laugh one minute, then cry the next. Laugh because you can again, and cry because you miss that your loved one is missing this moment. Learning to let joy intertwine with grief takes time and healing. But both can coincide.
Speak about them.
I know you don’t want to make people uncomfortable by mentioning your loved one’s name, but their comfort is not your responsibility. This will help break the barrier and build the bridge to others that talking about your loved one is 100% okay.
All three things take time and healing. And time doesn’t heal, but processing your loss and pain in a healthy way will.
I have linked some resources for you, and me, to reference.
For more about our story and our daughter Noel, you can read:
And Just Like That . . . One Mother’s Story of Infant Loss (Part 1)
And Just Like That . . . Another Type of Loss (Part 2)
The opinions expressed in this post are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of El Paso Mom, its executive team, other contributors to the site, its sponsors or partners, or any organizations the aforementioned might be affiliated with.
